Lament
by Nanatsusaya
Summary: Necessary angst and lots of sleeping. [Yaoi: Obito x Kakashi, Iruka x Kakashi]
1. Part 1

Note: NOT Yondaime x Kakashi.  Really, it's not.  Get yo' head outta th' gutter.

            _'Obito, why aren't you waking up?' The boy kept patting his friend's cold cheek, utterly confused.  The dim, negative space of the field around seemed to compress all the breath from his lungs as he attempted to wake his friend._

_            'Are you…d—dead…?'  The boy knew he wanted to have human tears trickling down his face, but he was moving far too slowly to properly lament the loss of his friend.  Instead, the boy crawled at a snail's pace to the next figure lying prone on the chill ground.  His eyes were taking far too long in putting name to sight of the frost-tinted flesh.  Both eyes were stolen from the man's otherwise impassive face, but the identity was unmistakable.  The boy's mind was tearing apart in jagged shreds, each fragment visibly falling to the ground around him.    
  
 'Sensei…?'_

Kakashi's eyes widened slowly as his vision cleared only to find more darkness.  For a brief moment the young Genin panicked, fingers clutching desperately to the scratchy blanket he was lying under.  The tension was releasing from his tightly clenched jaw allowing a swift throbbing pain to crawl along his chin.  Disoriented, Kakashi peered into the dark ceiling in an attempt to jog a memory of his surroundings.  The dream he remembered very clearly—although it was likely to fade by the morning, here in the dark the boy felt severely shaken.  

After a few moments, Kakashi had remembered he was resting at an inn for the night with his team.  Small room with two windows, shade drawn over one of them, three beds with one against each wall and one in between by the covered window…and what else?  Oh yes, he had won a bed to himself earlier that day in training (the one against the left wall), so his teammates were sharing the one against the right with his teacher in the middle.  When Kakashi thought he could sit upright without being sick he glanced over at the far bed to see Obito flopped on his back, snoring softly.  The sight was a tiny bit reassuring to the boy, but his insides still twisted in revolt every time he moved his head.  

Despite the nausea, he tumbled shakily out his own bed and crept anxiously over to the next.  The man sprawled over it had managed to kick away half the blankets and was nearly flat on his stomach with one arm dangling over the side.  His mouth was open a bit, breathing quietly into the mattress.  Perhaps as a last trick to mock the little boy's frightened mind, the dream allowed one more vivid image of that same man to flash in his vision, cold as ice with empty eye-sockets boring blankly into Kakashi's soul.  He was momentarily rooted to the spot between the two beds, wanting to cry out, but finding that his voice had disappeared.  When the boy could move again and had reassured himself that the man had both his eyes, he clambered onto the bed, not particularly trying to be quiet.    
  


When his teacher didn't wake up immediately as any decent ninja should when having their bed invaded, Kakashi laid a small hand on his shoulder and shook it gently, the tears welling up in his wide eyes threatening to drip all over the blanket at a moment's notice.  The blond man stirred and opened one eye with a grunt.  Yawning, he shifted enough to peer through the shadows at the one who had the nerve to wake him up in the middle of the night.  Kakashi leaned back on his heels and moved his lips as if to say something, but still no sound would come.  His teacher, confused, moved the blankets aside and sat up, ruffling the boy's silvery hair with one hand.  

"What are you doing up?" he asked quietly, to which the boy could only manage to answer with a shake of his head.  Shadows of the dream still lingered in the recesses of his memory, seemingly in wait for an opportune moment to strike once again.      
  


"Hey…what's wrong?"   
  


"Um…I had a dream that…our…our team all died except for me…and…." The latter part of the boy's explanation came out in a soft rush, but Kakashi found he couldn't quite remember exactly how everyone had died in the dream.    
  


"Ah…." He had expected as much, knowing that Genins of such a young age were entitled to a nightmare of that sort once in a while.  Perhaps it would have been a better idea to prevent the talented ones from graduating until they could better cope with the realities of shinobi life, but no one challenged the system.  "It was a just a dream, Kakashi…. Go back to sleep—we have a big day tomorrow," he continued with a tired smile and gave the boy another vague pat on the head.

"Nm."  The little Genin nodded, but made no move to return to his own bed.  

"Er…." The boy's teacher scratched his head awkwardly, not being all that experienced in these sorts of things.  "You can sleep in my bed if you want…."  
  


Lying down again, he moved over to make enough room for another person.  Without any hesitation at all, Kakashi curled up against him, shaking a bit as the adrenaline built up by panic receded.  "It was so scary…. I really thought you were dead…."  
  


"Dreams can be scary sometimes, but it wasn't real."

"Nn…."

 With a sigh, he laid a warm, comforting hand on the boy's back.  "Ne…Kakashi, can't you hear my heart?"  
  


"…Yes…."

"See?  It's still beating…."

[Luna sez: I tried to sidestep the Yondaime name issue, but it sounds a little awkward this way….  If anyone has any ideas for that, let me know.  And I'm not forgetting Kakashi's female companion, I'm just conveniently ignoring her.]


	2. Part 2

Note: You can put your head back in the gutter now.

 _Strange_

_Thought I knew you well_

_Thought I had read the sky_

_Thought I had read a change_

_In your eyes_

_So strange_

_Woke up to a world_

_That I am not a part…_

The mellow tones of the song drifted lazily in through one of Kakashi's ears and straight out the other.  He hadn't bothered to undress, knowing full well the Anbu captain would want to have a talk with him first thing in the morning.  Stretched out on his bed, Kakashi plucked at the sheets with one hand and rested his chin on the other, repeatedly over-turning all the mistakes he had made earlier.  First missions are always at least a bit nerve wracking, especially for newly initiated Anbu, but Kakashi had botched his so badly he marveled at the fact he was still employed and in one piece.  Angry with himself and more than a little embarrassed, he had blatantly refused an invite from Obito's family to a celebratory dinner for the two boys.  In fact, Kakashi was even a bit irritated at Obito, which made him even more irate, as he knew that this irritation was completely ungrounded.  His friend wasn't flaunting the fact that he had gotten through just fine and Kakashi did not—the knowledge of it was more than enough to make him feel inadequate.  

_ …After all_

_What was I really_

_Looking for_

_And I wonder_

_When will I learn_

_Maybe my wish knew better_

_Than I did_

_And I wonder_

_When will I learn…_

"What are you listening to?"  Kakashi hadn't noticed his friend creep into the room, having been too busy stewing to be paying much attention.  Mentally berating himself for dropping his guard, which, incidentally, was exactly what had thrown him off earlier.    
  


"It's the radio—what did you think it was, dumbass?" Kakashi growled and pushed his face into the mattress.  He heard a faint click as Obito shut off the small radio clock next to the bedside lamp.  Looking up briefly, he squinted at the other's face and continued, "The last thing I wanted to see right now is your ugly face."  

"Ha, ha," Obito answered sarcastically as he sat on the edge of the bed.  Smirking, he produced a bottle of sake from his pack and held if aloft in front of Kakashi's nose.  "I found this in the cupboard and thought you might want some."  

The silver-haired ninja raised an eyebrow mostly in surprise that Obito managed to get a hold of such a thing, and partially in suspicion.  Obito did not have the best track record with procuring alcohol—last time they had gotten caught.  "Err…."

"My parents won't notice.  They hardly ever open that cabinet."

"Somehow, I don't believe you."  Kakashi rolled on to his side and leaned on an elbow.  His friend shrugged with a nonchalant smile and opened the bottle.  

"You outta change.  Those uniforms are damn uncomfortable."  

"Yeah, whoever designed these should be shot."  Kakashi stood, peeled off his Anbu uniform and tugged on some plain pajamas.  

"I'll bet it was Sandaime-sama.  He's a total closet pervert."  Obito took a drink from the sake bottle and held it out for Kakashi.  Sitting cross-legged on his bed, the silver-haired ninja snatched the bottle, corners of his mouth twitching into a slight grin.  

Obito grinned back and settled against the wall.  "Hey…don't worry about today.  The captain's a slave driver, but I'm sure he still remembers what it's like to be human."

"Yeah, yeah…. I still fucked up.  I'll be lucky if I don't get demoted back to the Academy after that one."  Kakashi frowned and fell silent, anxiety over the consequences he was bound to be hit with tomorrow creeping back into his thoughts.  Obito didn't press the subject, knowing it would be futile to argue.  Kakashi tended to have a very haughty outlook on missions and his own ability, often shouldering all the responsibility himself.  They drank quietly for a while and it didn't take long for half the bottle to be gone.  

Eventually, Obito broke the comfortable silence with a drawn out yawn, sliding down the wall so he was crumpled up on top of a pillow.  "Well, I'm beat."

"You staying over?"

"Yeah…I better."             

"Get the light then."  

Obito sat up with a groaned complaint and flicked the light switch off.  "Hey…Kakashi?"

"Eh?" came the sleepy reply.

"What…would you say…if I kissed you?"  

"Uhh…" Kakashi tried to answer, but it came out as a nervous laugh instead.  "Why?"

Without giving any reply, Obito leaned over and did just that, although in the dark he missed his friend's lips almost completely.  Embarrassed, he would have moved away if Kakashi hadn't grabbed the front of his shirt and attempted to kiss him back.  This endeavor resulted only in bashing their foreheads together painfully.  Not the slightest bit discouraged, the two fumbled awkwardly in the dark, clumsiness of inexperience accentuated by the alcohol.  Obito winced as Kakashi's fingernails dug a bit too deep into his back while he pushed eager hands under his friend's shirt.  Managing to hit Kakashi's mouth with his own this time, instead of his nose, Obito pressed him back into the mattress as gently as he could, but that did not prevent the clock from getting knocked to the floor by a stray arm.  

The delirium eventually subsided, leaving the two boys barely awake enough to toss their discarded clothes on the floor and crawl under the blanket to sleep.  

Kakashi woke sometime in the early morning, dizzy and disoriented.  He could just make out Obito's tousled head lying next to him through the sleepy haze obscuring his vision. Sitting up, he peered out between the blinds at the sparse, gray morning light.  Long shadows fled slowly from the recesses of the streets, parting for a baker on his way to work and a paperboy trotting energetically from building to building.  Kakashi's hand strayed absently down to comb through his friend's hair as he watched the faint light filter into the room in narrow slits.  He glanced down at Obito's impassive features, a sudden pang of anxious déjà vu hitting him in the pit of his stomach.  It seemed completely ungrounded, but the growing sense of dread threatened to consume everything he thought he had gained a very few hours ago.  

"Obito…wake up…" he said softly, tapping his friend's cheek with one hand.  The other boy didn't answer immediately, but shifted with a grunt, letting his mouth hang open slightly.  Kakashi paused a moment, then moved his hand down to Obito's chest feeling the strong heartbeat under his fingertips.  The silver-haired ninja felt rather silly, letting some nameless fear get the better of him, but his relief would have been evident had anyone seen his face right then.  The dread had not completely subsided, but Kakashi pushed it away and ignored it, knowing full well it was pointless to worry about something one couldn't even name.  He gave Obito a hearty shake to wake him and leaned both arms on his friend's ribs.  

"Gu-uh…?"  Obito opened on eye reluctantly to find Kakashi leaning over him.  "What?"

"It's morning…. You should get home before your parents notice…."

"Yeh." Standing, Obito slipped his clothes on and dragged the blankets up over Kakashi's shoulders.  "…Should I stop by before the meeting later?  We can walk together and…uhh…talk about stuff…."

"Yeah, see ya later."  

Kakashi didn't fall back asleep until quite some time after Obito left.  He was happy enough not to notice the vague chill that had settled in his chest.  

[Luna sez: Song lyrics are from 'Strange' by Tori Amos.  Also, I assumed the boys to be both around 15.]


	3. Part 3

The late afternoon sun twinkled faintly behind cottony gray clouds, casting in the world in smooth color.  Kakashi lounged against the windowsill, watching the subtle rain mist over the streets and condense in glowing drops on the eaves.  Watching the people below hurry by with their colorful umbrellas and newspaper makeshift shelters in a disinterested fashion, he slurped a particularly sugary drink through a straw.  He couldn't help but grin at the children just let out of school slog through the puddles proudly laughing off the muck on their toes as if it were the highest badge of honor.  Kakashi spied on the temporarily lively street for several more minutes, a perfect image of laziness in contrast to the rest of the town, with his half-lidded gaze and perpetual bed-head.  Soon, the road was empty again as the rain began to trickle in miniature streams along the grooves in the dirt.  The Jounin stretched his hand out just enough to clear the edge of the roof feeling individual drops of water dot his fingertips.    
  
It didn't take more than a moment's silent deliberation to have Kakashi ambling out the door and barefoot into the deserted street.  Goosebumps formed on the back of his neck as cold splashes of water fell on his cheeks without the mask and arms where his sleeves had been pushed up.  Little rivulets of water caressed the tops of his feet as he blocked their paths.  Kakashi chose one particular memory to accompany him at that moment—he was five years old, and racing his best friend as they jumped in as many puddles as possible.  A young girl was walking farther behind under an umbrella, a slightly disapproving look on her lovely face, and next to her was the man that would later become the Fourth, smiling genially while he discussed the behavior of the two boys with the little girl.  A small smile tugged at the corners of the Jounin's lips as he could almost see his team pass him on the street, looking just as they had back then.  So caught up in his own thoughts, Kakashi hadn't noticed he wasn't alone in the road anymore until the Chuunin was only a few feet away from him.    
  


Iruka usually stayed at the Academy until well after dark, cleaning up and socializing with the other teachers over coffee or maybe something a little stronger.  The last thing he had expected to see on his walk home was an unmasked Kakashi standing in the rain and looking just as startled as he felt with a drop of water hanging from the tip of his nose.  Iruka had seen the Jounin without his mask before, but it was unnerving to see him so in such a public place as the street, not to mention the lack of shoes, vest, or forehead protector covering his Sharingan eye and scar.    
  
Surprised silence hung between them for a moment before Iruka recovered and said absently, "You'll catch cold out here like that."

Kakashi smiled, _Trust Iruka to be consistently normal and practical…. _"I haven't been out long."

"Still…" the Chuunin added with a frown, scrutinizing Kakashi's carelessness before starting on his way again.  He expected the soaked ninja to follow him without any invitation.  Kakashi watched Iruka get ahead of him before falling in step, hands in his pockets and kicking up water from the puddles in the street.  Iruka had an umbrella, but it would be useless at this point for him to walk under it.  Calming quiet followed the two ninja through the streets and Kakashi thought the familiar rhythm of their companionship was in tune with the stoic pitter-patter of the rain on the roofs of the houses, nothing like the frantic chaos of life as one of the Anbu.  Normal schedules were impossible back then and the people high-energy, spur-of-the-moment types.  Most had since settled down or been lost in battle, a few melting into the darker recesses of Konoha society, but the Jounin didn't fancy himself in any of those categories.  He had mellowed out since Obito's death, after a short bout of intense hatred that led to the most lethal part of his career as a shinobi, but Kakashi had certainly not 'settled down' in the sense that conjures an image of stability with two kids and day job.    
  
Eventually, they came to Iruka's small apartment by a rather roundabout way, enjoying the charming melancholy of the rain and clouds.  Kakashi stood stoically looking up into the streaks of falling water mixed with tiny beams of sunlight while the Chuunin dug his key out of his bag.  From this angle, he could see that the clouds were moving quickly and spanned many shades of gray tinged with warm yellow by the sun.  It took him a moment to notice the other ninja was holding the door patiently for him, slightly annoyed expression on his tanned face.  

"Ah…sorry…" Kakashi apologized sheepishly, stepping into the warm room and dripping on the living room carpet.    
  
With a shake of his head, Iruka chuckled, "Airhead," and opened the linen closet to find towels.  He returned with two of a plain, off-white and dropped one on the Jounin's head before going into the bedroom to find dry clothes for both of them.  Kakashi absently sat on the floor and flicked on the TV, rubbing the towel through his thick, silver hair.  

"Get up, you're getting the rug all wet.  My landlord's going to complain about water damage."  Iruka handed the Jounin a pile of clean clothes, having already changed himself.  Kakashi took them and went into the bathroom to change, emerging a few minutes later much drier and more comfortable, although he left the wet towel and clothes on the floor, much to Iruka's later irritation.  For now, though, the Chuunin was on the couch in front of the TV with his feet up, damp hair framing his scarred face as he had let it down to dry quicker.  Sinking into the couch next to him, Kakashi drew his feet up and let his head drop to Iruka's shoulder.  The news spoke of conferences in other nations and campaigns in civilian cities, not one of the reports catching the Jounin's attention, as his eyelids dropped contentedly, blurring the bright colors of the screen into an indeterminate blob.  He felt Iruka shift next to him, slouching down farther into the worn cushions of the couch, and Kakashi let his head bump down the Chuunin's collarbone to his chest and settle comfortably there.  As he drifted off to sleep, he could hear Iruka's stead heartbeat, so close under cloth and sk_in and bone._

_The twisted top of a blackened tree crowded the boy's vision as he slowly came to, awake from blissful unconsciousness and into deathly silence.  He could barely move his head from side to side, but on the edge of his vision he could see the dirty gray landscape stretching and distorting into jagged peaks and then nothing.  For what seemed like an eternity he lay there, watching the motionless, cold sky above, wondering vaguely if it was a sky at all and not just a black, starless void.  Then, with great difficulty, the boy dragged his unresponsive body upright, crawling over to the tree, thinking to use it to help himself stand.  He couldn't bring himself to touch the thing…._

_Laboriously, the boy got to his knees and then his numb feet and began walking.  It was almost like wading through lead, the atmosphere was so thick around him.  He didn't know why he was walking; he just knew that it was something one normally does.  Human-like forms not far away were becoming more apparent to his detached vision, a few together and what seemed like more farther off.  Footstep after sluggish footstep brought him nearer until he was standing over the first…._


End file.
